Stirred Not Shaken
by akaeve
Summary: An idea from words on Skype; MI6 and James Bond. Written for my daft friends….you know who you are. This is a fun story not to be taken serious. Some of us need cheering up…..but Tony in a Tux. I have now discovered that Tony in a Tux was from 12:06 "Parental Guidance" which we in UK only saw over weekend so now I suppose a tag or pretag.
1. Chapter 1

Tony stirred from a disturbing sleep; he shook himself and went to shower, but the dream or bete noire or was it a déjà vu, made him shiver. It wasn't like he owned a tux or dinner suit as Ducky would so Britishly have said, father did…. "Oh my God" he thought "I've turned into my father overnight," as he looked in the mirror. "Damn, I knew those Woo Woo's were so good, they were bad. What was in it again, oh yes Vodka, peach schnapps and cranberry juice."

"But come on," he shouted at his image "A tux….."as he now stepped into the cubicle, before giving out a scream….it was all coming back to him now.

-oOo-

The previous afternoon, both Abby and Delilah had been discussing an evening with a difference, "I know, that it needs to be something that you can participate in too…..not that you haven't tried the skydiving or the sled hockey but you know something….ok," as Abby sighed, "Something I and the boys could do."

"Are you going to ask Tony to join us?" Delilah had enquired.

"Well I suppose he is one of us, and I could always ask if he wants to bring someone along, but I think we need drinky poos first to kick it about….so to speak, if you get my drift Delilah, not that I would expect you to kick anyone, but me right now as I'm digging myself in deep," as she saw her friend smile and nod her head.

"Drinks, after work, I'm so in," Tony had agreed, "Nothing like Friday run down for the weekend."

The venue arranged, the four left the building, Burt was to meet them there, Jimmy sighed as he reminisced on past Friday get togethers, "That was of course, before I was married and an expectant father." The group just nodded.

"Give my love to Breena," Abby had replied giving Jimmy a kiss, as they got into the elevator.

-oOo-

The bar tender had brought over a pitcher; there had been 5 of them, Abby and her new beau, the park ranger by the name of Burt Moore, Tim and Delilah and Tony. Yes, Tony, the gooseberry or the spare pri** at a wedding as Ducky again would have said but as Burt poured, Tim's cell rang.

"Sarah, what's up?" as he listened to his sister before answering, "Sure come along and throw it past us….where are we? Usual drinking den Sarah, round the corner from the Navy Yard…..ok see you in 10," as Tim now closed his cell. "Sarah, she has a proposition to put to us," as he sipped the drink.

-oOo-

The door opened and Sarah looked about, oh yes there was her brother. Since graduating, she had got a job as a journalist, freelance but had been more recently been working for the _Stars and Stripes, _the headquarters being in Washington D.C. and as a writer for some woman's magazines, the short 10minute coffee time stories, but to supplement her income did a little teaching in the evenings at her old collage of Waverley, as a substitute teacher in English, the Bachelor of Science in Journalism had come in handy.

But it was something that was said at the _Stars and Stripes_ that made Sarah think. She had asked the Dean if it would be possible to run a Charity Casino Night, at the College for the charity, _Intrepid Fallen Heroes._ He had agreed, but now she needed her brother's help in a little organising, and what theme.

What theme? Difficult, so another pitcher of drink was ordered and then another. By this time Tony was becoming slightly woozy and light headed. All he could hear were the words, detective or a special agent and then his own words as he lifted his glass and toasted Sarah, "Here's looking at you kid."

"Tony, that was Rick Blaine in Casablanca," Delilah had replied.

"Ok, who should I go as?" Tony slurred in a Scots voice.

"I think you just answered your question, Bond, James Bond," Abby laughed, "Well he is an Agent an OO agent, so Special, just like our Tony."

"And Tim, you could go as Agent McGregor, and I'll be Amy Sutton," Abby added looking at Tim, "But Delilah, who could you be?"

"Ironside, but he was a bloke," Tony slurred.

"I believe there is a Hanne Wilhemsen, she is a wheelchair-bound retired police inspector in a book by Norwegian Anne Holt, but then that character was a lesbian, so not suitable," Burt had added.

"Hey, this is make believe, and fictional characters, I'll do it," Delilah had replied, "But who you going to dress as?"

"Magnum or Jim Rockford," Burt questioned shrugging his shoulders.

"So there we have it," Sarah announced, "Brother, you're McGregor with Amy, not sure if that comes over right but I'm cool with it, Delilah you're Hanne if you are fine with that, I'll be Nancy Drew I think, and Tony," as everyone looked at Tony now slumped against the wall of the alcove, "Is James Bond. Tony," as Sarah prodded Tony in the ribs, "You're James Bond right?"

"And you are wearing a tuxedo Tony, just l as if you were, you know, as if you were in a casino and drinking cocktails," Tim smiled slyly.

"Whatever, can we go home now?"


	2. Chapter 2

As Tony stepped out the shower he could hear his cell ring then stop, only to ring again, stop, and ring again….

"OK, OK," Tony shouted at the phone as he strode across, a towel wrapped round his midriff, only for it to stop.

He picked up and saw 3 missed calls, Abby, Sarah and Abby, as the phone rang again, "What?" he roared, "Tim, I was in the shower…yes I am naked, well except for a towel….no you can't…I have a mouth like a monkey's armpit and a head that feels like it is going to burst, and you want me to go and get fitted for a tux?...Ok but only if you are buying," as he heard Tim say he would buy lunch at a swanky restaurant.

-oOo-

As Washington DC has no casinos at all, not even tribal casinos. The thing that could come close would be a charity 'casino night', which is a fundraising event. Charities can also run bingo games, raffles and Texas Hold'em, a variation of the standard card game of poker, and other tournaments to collect money for their good causes.

Sarah had organized with her old college the room or hall; it was away from the main campus cafeteria and it was a ticket only affair. She had got the tickets printed for free by the paper and was duly dishing out 10 per person. The room was only big enough for 100 persons once the tables had been inserted and there were the fire regulations, so 15 persons to sell, she was going to give 20 to her brother and 10 to Delilah, the other tickets would be shared out between the paper and the teaching staff.

-oOo-

Tony arrived at the restaurant and immediately felt out of place, he was smart but casual, but this was a shirt and tie joint with trousers not jeans.

"Dress code Tony," Tim said, looking a dapper as Ducky would have commented in a suit.

"It's my weekend off, and if I wanted to slouch I am jolly well going to," came the reply.

"Still a bit grouchy are we?" Delilah asked.

"Just get me a beer please," Tony requested as he saw Abby arrive with the Maître d' who coughed slightly at Tony.

"I can vouch for him," Tim replied, "He just has had a spot of bad luck, his apartment was torched last week while he was on vacation and all he has with him now is this ensemble."

"Very good, Mr. Gemcity, and may I say what a pleasure it is to have your presence today, now if Sir," as he looked at Tony, "Wishes to order?"

"I'll have a beer, in the bottle, please," Tony answered.

"Very good Sir, and Mr. Gemcity your usual and for the ladies?"

"Champagne cocktails," Delilah replied, as Sarah approached from the washroom.

"Mmm great, now Mr Gemcity," as Sarah sat and produced a reporter's note pad from her purse, "I believe you are going to help sponsor one of the gaming tables for the Casino Night at Waverley?"

"I am indeed, Ms. McGee, and I am going to personally sign both my books for the winner of the silent auction, and will include his or her name in the next book of the Deep Six series. And Ms. Sutton is going to man one of the poker tables."

The Maître d' came back with the drinks and placed the cocktails in front of the girls and a white wine for Tim, he then placed the beer down in front of Tony, "Just indicate Mr. Gemcity, when you are ready to eat."

As Tony took a slug of the beer he turned to Tim, "How long are you keeping this up for, and I did no lose my clothes in a fire."

"Tony, we are trying to get into the mood here, and if you don't mind, you said you would be James Bond, so I think you need to ditch the beer and start on the vodka martinis." Tim retorted, as he indicated to the waiter they were ready to eat.


	3. Chapter 3

After the meal, which Tim put down to expenses on his author account, they decamped for coffee in the lounge.

"Right, someone going to explain to me what is going on here?" Tony whispered through clenched teeth.

"Sure, after you passed out last night, in your apartment, we continued to thrash out the idea. The theme as we said was for detectives or special agents. We needed to get sponsors for the tables. I spoke to my agent she said it could go down as a tax break."

"I spoke to my editor, and we can give a year's free subscription to a magazine of the winners' choice, in a raffle," Sarah added.

"And I spoke to my brother and he will donate pet food or anything up to $100 in a raffle," Abby added.

"And you did all this talking in my apartment while I was sleeping?" Tony questioned.

"Yes, but very quietly," Delilah whispered.

"Great, but who undressed me?" Tony asked looking worried.

"Oh you did that yourself," Delilah laughed looking at Tim.

"Right, so now tell me the tables?"

"The tables, oh yes, 2 blackjack, 2 poker one which Abby said she would run, 1 craps and 1 roulette," Sarah began to say.

"Will that be enough?" Tony now enquired.

"It's not going to be an all-night do, we were only thinking 8-11, by the time everyone arrives and the games start and then draw the raffle it will be time to go home so three hours will be fine. And anyway we don't want it to turn into a drinking parlour, and Waverley said they would do a finger buffet," Sarah responded.

"Who is doing the drinks and how will it be manned?" Tony now wondered.

"We asked Gibbs, well I did, who is going to ask Sec Nav who is going to see if the MCCS out of Quantico could help," Tim replied.

"So everything is organised then?"

"All except your tux," Delilah smiled, and since I got Tim one I can get one for you, hired of course."

"Of course, I am not my father so will not need a use again…hopefully," he sighed, as Tim's cell rang and seeing it was Gibbs.

"Yes Boss….great…..I'll tell Sarah and she can get in touch with you…..see you Monday," as Tim killed the call.

"I take that that was a yes?" Sarah asked looking at her brother.

"Yes but the rules of the MCCS are, it will be free, if….a minimum purchase amount of $300 is met, then the bartender fees will be waived, if not it is $50 per hour for the 3 hours."

"Right, I need to work out price of drinks. Did Gibbs give a rough idea of the drinks?"

"Said it would be e-mailed to me this afternoon," Tim replied, "So I'll check after we get Anthony here kitted out."

"For one awful moment there I thought you said kilted," Tony almost shouted.

"Now that would be hilarious," Abby laughed.

"Right come on let's get this man suited out, Sarah you going to join us?" Tim now mentioned.

"No, I'll away and organise, just send me those prices," Sarah replied now standing, and giving her brother a kiss on the cheek, left.

-oOo-

Tim and Delilah arrived at the suit hirers with Tony following behind; he was not looking forward to the ordeal.

"Ms Fielding, what a pleasure it is to see you again, I was sorry to read of the accident, but is it your young gentleman friend again?" the manager asked.

"No, not this time, it's our friend Mr DiNozzo," Delilah smiled pointing to Tony.

"Ahh I see, yes a very misfortunate state," as he now looked or should that have been eyed Tony up and down.

"He lost his tuxedo in a fire at his apartment, while he was on vacation, smoke damaged. He is lucky to have what he is wearing, "Tim added stifling a laugh.

"I did not…." Tony began to say, as the manager started to approach, "But I am interested in maybe hiring a new tuxedo for a function I am going to shortly."

"And may I also introduce Sir to a new suit?"

"No you cannot introduce Sir to a new suit, just measure me for a Tux…..Please," Tony replied.

"Very good Sir, now if Sir could just stand with his legs slightly apart I will endeavour to take an inside leg measurement," smiling at Tony, who just sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of weeks flew in; Sarah had been busy getting the tickets printed, they were to be $30 and this would include two drinks, either soft or alcoholic, anymore would need to be purchased, and of course a finger buffet, but she did have enough to cover the bar, and the food. The college were supplying the crockery and the MCCS, the glasses.

Tony's tux had been altered, and even he could not help admire himself in it. He felt every bit the Secret Agent; in fact he had an idea.

The weekend before the event, Tony took a drive, out to Vienna, that would be Vienna VA, 22182, the full address 8550 Leesburg Pike….yes, the Aston Martin franchise. He had dressed in his best suit and having taken a selfie, and having asked the tailor to take a full length photograph of himself in the tux, he now stood outside the showroom, the shades over his eyes, as he took a deep breath and smiling the DiNozzo smile and mustering all the charm he could think of, and entered the showroom.

Forty minutes later, one very Special Agent exited the showroom with an even bigger smile on his face than he had gone in with, ok it had cost him a bit, $500 but it was worth it and, oh and he had a driver and a date. One suave talking Agent had talked the sales man into hiring a DB9 for a journey to the College. As much, as Tony would have loved to drive himself to the event, it would have cost an arm and a leg for the insurance. But the salesman had said that for a donation to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes, then he would personally pick Tony up from his apartment and drive him to the venue. How he got home was his own business. As he looked at the receptionist, the lovely Felicity, her strawberry blonde hair falling seductively round her shoulders, the gentle heaving of her chest, clad in an exquisite cross over blouse, he could not help himself but ask, if she would care to accompany him to the Casino Night. She replied that she would be delighted, any excuse for a new dress. Anyway did her name not mean "Happiness", deriving from the Latin, felicitas, meaning "Luck, and good fortune," maybe she would bring him luck.

-oOo-

The evening of the event arrived and Sarah had done a good job organising, she just hoped everyone and everything would turn out fine. Word had got out that a famous author was to be a guest and crowds had assembled outside the venue. They didn't have long to wait as a limo drew up and out stepped Thom E. Gemcity with the lovely Amy, the crowd cheered and shouted, and Tim looked the ever so handsome writer.

Delilah had arrived earlier with Sarah, and had been helping with the layout of the tables, especially with her wheelchair, making sure access was ample, she had of course sold tickets to some her fellow physiotherapy class. One friend, Lorraine, had decided to come as Carrie Palmer, one of the nieces of Jessica Fletcher, this of course was causing a lot of confusion with Jimmy, who was convinced that he didn't have a cousin.

Another of the charity tables, the roulette table, was being sponsored by Neuhaus Chocolatier, who had a branch situated within Union Station, at 50 Massachusetts Avenue NE, the croupier was dressed in a typical croupier outfit, but the manager had really gone to town and was dressed as Hercule Poirot. Chocolates were the coins of choice or should that be chips of choice, and anyone found eating was immediately removed, but the winner could have his fill.

Over at one of the blackjack tables, the sponsor there was "It'sugar", a sweetie shoppe on 714 7th St NW, the dealer there was a guy, who was dressed as Kojak, the bald head and the lollipop.

And the sponsor of the craps table, dressed as Inspector Jacques Clouseau, was a fumbling his way about much to the amusement of his fellow invitees.

But one guy at the door was having difficulty gaining entrance, Lieutenant Columbo, in the scruffy raincoat and carrying the cigar, the doorman was adamant that dress code was not "scruffy", to which the reply was, he was in costume, but ok the cigar would be extinguished, on hearing that the doorman allowed access.

As Tim signed some autographs Abby looked about, where was Tony, she wondered? But she needn't have worried; she turned to see a silver DB9 drive up to the steps. It stopped and the driver got out, and walking round to the passenger side opened the door. To the surprised crowd, out stepped one very dashing Agent Bond, someone shouted from the crowd, "Who are you supposed to be?" as Tony turned to face the question.

"Bond, James Bond," Tony replied in a very convincing Scottish voice, as he now watched Felicity alight from the car, and taking Tony's arm, they walked towards the college.

Oh yes, what had shaken him in the initial proposal, had stirred the imagination, so now he was totally stirred and no longer shaken, and finally the outcome was something to marvel, as he climbed the stairs and entered the building.

The End.


End file.
